15 Months Together!

So, I've been "getting in trouble" with many of you lately for going too long in between blog updates!  Things have simply been crazy around the Root Casa, and I do apologize!  As if life as a family of seven is every not crazy, nonetheless, the last few months have been a ginormous roller coaster of ridiculous life moments one after the other.

Let's just get right to it.  March was a fantastic month.  We celebrated Corban's 8th birthday while on a family vacation to Sea World in San Antonio, Texas.  It was a total surprise.  We told the kids we were going geocaching at a spot, and about an hour or more into the drive, they finally began whining, "Seriously?  Where is this cache at?  How much further?"  To which I casually responded, "According to the map, 5 hours or so, depending on traffic."  "5 hours!!!  WHY?  (In the most whiny of all voices they collectively cried.)  "Well, it takes awhile to get to Sea World guys."  It took a second or two for the idea to sink in and then the whoops and hollering began!  Bekeh and Caleb loved the dolphins and whales.  The shows were amazing and we had such a wonderful time. 

We were also blessed to run right smack in to the Patteson Family while waiting to get into Sea World our first morning.  I didn't recognize Danielle behind her glamorous sunglasses, but I recognized her chocolate cutie immediately!  That prompted us being able to get together with them and the Boddies for dinner and we had such a wonderful time chatting adoption and life talk with them!  Leanne Boddie suggested we meet up the next day at The Witte Museum, and the kids had an absolute blast.  The Boddie girls are adorable and Bekeh and Caleb were giddy with excitement to get to play with them all afternoon.  

This vacation was the first without any major bonding issues to deal with, so we were thankful to be at the point where we simply enjoyed the time as a complete family.

Jason began a new job the week we returned home and so we are excited about all God has in store for our family with this blessing.  The only two drawbacks are Jason now has a longer commute and is traveling a bit more.  God has redeemed even those things as He always does.  Jason actually gets home earlier in the evenings than he used to, and we're hoping to have a lot of great family trips in the future with all the frequent flyer miles he's beginning to rack up.  I'm learning how to navigate the weekdays with the kids schedules and just me, but all the kids are so awesome, helpful, and fun, it's been easier than I expected.

Jason and I celebrated our 14th Wedding Anniversary in April.  Unbelievable.  We talked a lot about the goals we set for our family over dinner on our 10th Anniversary.  We laughed at how completely naive we were at the time for the plans God had in store for us.  We never imagined just a short time ago how radically different our dreams for the future, our family, and our marriage would look!  So, as we looked at the year ahead, with 12 months until our 15 year goal setting dinner will arrive, we decided our only goal was to let God be in control, and to wait with anticipation for the blessings He has planned for us! 

Jason recently shared with me that God has it on his heart to adopt again. A baby girl. I can't even imagine. Seriously, when he told me this, I believe the words, "Get behind me satan" escaped my lips. And while God has not placed the desire and call in my heart at this time, He has been actively ministering to me and reminding me of so many things. I have opened my heart to defend the fatherless, and whether that's through mission work or being a mom to more, I'm abandoned and willing. In God's time. I have submitted my family, the way it looks, operates, functions, forms, grows, and lives to Him, and He is free to do with it whatever He knows is best. He'll prepare me and call me when it's time. If it's His plan for our family, which, when I look in Jason's heart, I see the reality that it already is. Someday.

Bekeh, you are crazy child.  If I didn't know how perfectly personal our God is, and how perfectly He places personalities and types of kids into families, you would prove it to me.  You are a CRAZY root, CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY.  Most of the time you make me laugh hysterically, some times you just make me hysterical.  You never stop.  You never stop talking, you never stop turning cartwheels, you never stop drumming, asking, eating, drinking, poking, banging, begging, whining, pouting, laughing.  You never stop. 

You've transitioned lately from the delayed toddler stages into the full blown little girl appropriate for your age. And with that, has come a lot of growing pains for mommy. It was easier to keep you in a box of, "You're too little to do. . ." and now you're not too little, and you understand everything and you want it all. When I say no to you running in the street like your older brothers, or to your crazy choices in clothing, which you are very particular about, I get this look from you that slices me to the core. You look at me as if I've killed your puppy, destroyed your self-esteem, squashed your personality, and abandoned your happiness all in one word. Had I raised you from my womb and bonded with you for 6 years, I would tell you where to take your look, but I can't. All the worry and frustration of what condition our bond is in, how you perceive your life in our family, how much you feel comfortable expressing your needs and desires and yet maintaining boundaries of obedience and respect of others all comes crashing down on me in a wave of insecurity and I feel lost!! Thank Goodness the Friend, the Author of Truth, the Comforter is there with us feeding me wisdom and helping me see the things unseen. Thank God He's there in those moments with us helping us limp along and figure this all out together. Thank God He redeemed you into our family. Thank You Jesus that you're my daughter. I love you completely. In a way I once wondered if it were possible. You are a delight of our day. You are a tender minister. You spread joy and warmth to everyone everywhere we go. You are hilarious, and your giggle changes everything.

Caleb, My little dude.  Who would have ever guessed you had such a bubble and adorable personality waiting in there to explode on us.  Geez.  You are a wild man.  Since our encounter with God in your hospital room last February, you've opened up and let yourself free.  We've had a two, maybe three, days in the past months where the old RAD issues have returned, but I have to get on my knees, confess my wrong thoughts, cast down the lies, and reclaim the ground we've conquered.  The dynamic change between you and I has infiltrated the whole family.  Everything is calmer, happier, and more normal.  You're enjoying learning how to be a four year old at preschool.  You're talking up a storm, questioning everything, playing hard.  While Bekeh's cartwheeling all over town, you're doing handstands (donkey kicks more accurately) all over the place.  You've gotten pretty good and you think it's hilarious when you fall on your head.  You still whine to the point of hysterics, every single time we ask you to go get your shoes.  It's insanity.  We've worked and worked on it, but if we say, "Go bring me your shoes," you lose it.  And we lose it, and it's a lost moment of ridiculousness on all our parts.  And it happens 2-3 times a day.  But, alas, our whole day used to be filled with RAD drama, so we'll keep working through your shoe drama in the same fashion, and soon we'll be on the other side of it too.   Your scar is healing beautifully after your surgery.  You hate when we rub on it to break up the scar tissue, but you love that your lips aren't cracking and bleeding constantly!  Thank you Jesus for all the healing you've brought to us.

We celebrate your 4th Birthday on Friday.  You're 4 but who would know it.  You couldn't guess by the 18 month tag in your loose pants, or the 2T label on your shirts.  You couldn't guess it by the way you form your words, or the tone of your giggle.  Even the tiny size 8 shoes on your feet mask your years.  And although you've been slow to grow this past year, I look back at pictures and I see you becoming a little boy.  The round baby face is fading away.  I love you precious.  You are perfect just the adorable size you are!

And no Spring update in Texas is complete without Bluebonnet pictures.

Nathan (our 9yr old) and I will be heading to Ethiopia next May 19th.  I'm anxious and excited about returning to visit Bekeh and Caleb's birthfamily in their village.  It will be a great opportunity to introduce Nathan to the culture and people that we have fallen in love with, as well as check in on Bekeh and Caleb's 3 bio sisters still living there.  We are preparing pictures of B&C from this past year of growing to present to their father and we know it's going to be a great time of fellowship with them.  We are traveling with the Rowell's and I can't wait to meet and hug and kiss and love all over their new son.  Please keep us in your prayers this next month!

13 Months Together!

LOVE FEST 2011
 

Before



It's been a major love fest around the Root house for the last month.  To get things started, it was finally time for Caleb to undergo surgery for the repair of his cleft lip.  His poor lip protruded into his right nostril causing him all sorts of trouble breathing and the wet skin portion of his lip was pulled up where it was constantly exposed to the air and would dry out non stop.  This produced a lot of painful cracking and bleeding for him.  The surgery went better than expected and we are prayerful this will be the only time he needs to have work done on it. 



Being alone in the hospital during his surgery, and again at night with him (after the wonderful visits from family in the evening) was a God send.  Knowing I would have a mountain of time alone, I went prepared with an iPhone full of praise music and sermons I had been wanting to listen to for some time.  I told the Lord ahead of time I was expecting some major breakthroughs to happen, and I wasn't leaving the hospital without them!

That night in the dark room, while he lay sleeping, God and I encountered each other powerfully.  I, yielded, heart broken for Caleb, submitted, desirous, begging, and God willing, loving, giving, and all powerful. 

Let me share an excerpt from a great book I had just read. .  .
This Means War - Equipping Christian Families for Fostercare or Adoption by Cheryl Ellicott

So we survived and continued on, but I still struggled with guilt because I didn't feel as strong of a bond with them as I thought I should.  In my mind, I was passionate about being a loving mother, but my emotions felt. . . anemic.  I was so tired.  Many times I prayed, asking for forgiveness for my feelings of apathy and for help to feel a deep parental love for these kids; it was still lacking.

One day I realized something vital: The only love that was missing was the "natural" love - the feeling of a bond between mother and child.  Under natural circumstances, this strong emotional bond motivates and guides parents as they protect and raise their child.  However, adoption isn't natural and these children are not as they should have been (without damage); they have extra challenges and I've been called to have something higher than natural love.

"If you love those who love you, what reward will you get?  Are not even the tax collectors doing that?  And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others?  Do not even pagans do that?" (Matt 5:46-47NIV)

My lack of strong emotion actually was the natural response to this situation!  You might not form a strong emotional bond with this child, but that's okay because you can still love them; God's love is supernatural.  Yes, I'm parenting, but under these circumstances, the typical parental feelings may or may not blossom; it doesn't matter.  My mission is to nurture these kids, include them as part of a loving family, teach them scripture, and pray God will touch their lives in a powerful way and call them into a relationship with Himself.  Nothing else matters.

My mission has been hard and will continue to be so - because I'm weak.  But God is strong and faithful; He answers prayer, and I still truly and wholeheartedly believe in miracles.

The song Stay Amazed by Gateway Worship was playing on my iPod.  The climactic point of song began to build in which it cries out to God, "I'm pouring out my love on you," and I began to shake uncontrollably as everything in my soul and spirit began to cry out to God.

Was she staring into my soul when she wrote this?  Surely she was writing about me and not herself?  This helped remove the guilt.  A huge first step in healing so you can be set free of something.  It was necessary for me to let go of the guilt, and once that was gone, the desire to bond with Caleb was not prayed for out of guilt for my own feelings, but out of  pure desire for him.  I knew I loved him and was giving him a life he deserved.  I knew he might never know the difference, and God had bonded us to a beautiful point.  But I began to desire more in the last months.  I began to realize that he didn't remember life before me, and so he loved me completely.  Didn't he deserve that in return?  As a child, didn't he deserve to be loved like every other child God had created and placed in families?  The ability to ask for this type of love was gained through the prior 13 months of breakthroughs.  One laid the foundation for the next, and I pray I continue to have breakthrough after breakthrough after breakthrough.  I had prayed for God to fill me with love for Caleb a thousand x a thousand times before.  But "WE" - Caleb and I - had a lot of growing together to do before I was capable of allowing the miracle to manifest itself, and I fought hard for 13 months to become capable.

So there I was, in a dark hospital room with this child just hours out of surgery, and I felt sad for him in his pain, but I was still on the outside of it.  I comforted him, and soothed him, and loved him . . . but it was still. . . anemic.  And then Stay Amazed by Gateway Worship began playing on my iPod.  The climax of the song began to build and cry out, "I'm pouring out my love on you, I'm pouring out my love on you." and everything in my soul (my mind, will and emotions) and everything in my spirit (which was SO alive with the presence of the Holy Spirit) began crying out to God in pure desperation.  As I lay there, fully prostrate, face buried in the plastic couch a thousand worried parents had slept in before, I began to shake uncontrollably and my body went numb.  I began to cry out to God, "Take it!  I'm pouring it all out to you!  I'm giving everything I have to you Lord.  There is no love left within me, I'm pouring it all out on your feet.  Take all of it Lord, but fill me back up.  Fill me back up Lord and when you do, fill me utmost with a true parental love for Caleb. nothing lacking, nothing missing, nothing forced.  100% natural, 100% genuine, 100% complete, 100% mommy to pure born son."  Over and over I wept and shook and cried out.  I swear if the nurse had come in to check his vitals at this point he would have admitted me next door to the psych ward!  The song ended and I stood up, the feeling coming slowly back into my body, and my breath and heartbeat returning to normal.  I looked over to Caleb lying in his bed, and of course I wondered.  Is anything different?  I crawled in bed with him, I promised him things would be different going forward.  I whispered how much he was loved and how much mommy was going to love him unconditionally for the rest of his life.  But I've done that a thousand times. 

I laid back down on my plastic couch with the sheet that wouldn't stay on, and I slept fitfully through the night with the nurses coming and going, and we were released.  Same motions, same care and concern.  We met daddy for lunch, we picked the kids up from school, daddy came home from work, it was time for dinner.  And then God revealed himself.   Headed to my room to change, clothes half way off, I hear a scream from the other side of the house.  It's Caleb.  I knew Jason was just feet from him, I had just left them, and for the past 13 months that would have been enough.  Daddy will comfort him, his needs will be met, and that would have been enough for me.  But not this time.  Instantly, I changed course and half naked ran to him, ripped him from daddy's arms and checked him over.  He was shaking violently - pointing to his lip where Bekeh had slammed the door in his face.  I confirmed the stitches hadn't busted, and more pain meds were administered, but then as I held him, I began to cry with him.  I hurt with him.  I felt his pain to the core of my being, and I knew I would do anything to take it away from him.  I recognized this feeling.  I had it for my three biological kids, and often for Bekeh, whenever they were hurt.  I had never experienced it with Caleb.  Like I said, I had always felt sad for him when he was hurting, but I had never felt his pain with him.  I began to cry harder, this time in thanksgiving that God had truly thoroughly answered my prayers.

10 Days After Surgery

Let me tell you, Caleb is a different child.  I didn't share with my family for days what had happened between God and I and Caleb at Children's.  But they began to say, "Man, Caleb's a whole different child since his surgery."  How much more joyful, happier, brighter, talkative, skippier and crazier Caleb has been is the most talked about thing in our house to this day.  Everyone has noticed the difference in our relationship, but more so, the difference it has made in Caleb.

I believed the lie that Caleb would never know the difference.  I needed to let go of the guilt and understand that stage was all part of the process, but Caleb understood the difference.  He knows what it is to be COMPLETELY loved like everyone else and even though the behaviors and interactions between us aren't really that much different, he still knows something is different, and he's flourishing in it.

I know in my heart of hearts adoptions is unnatural, and the things that result have to be formed by supernatural ties.  But I more so know that MY GOD is in the business of supernatural relationships and He desires to completely redeem, completely heal, completely bond, and completely set us free to be who we are created to be both in the supernatural and in the natural.  I know that it took 13 months of fighting like a mad woman to receive the miracle of a pure natural love for Caleb, and I would fight it over again and will continue to fight for the rest of my life to continually gain more and more breakthroughs for my good, my families good, and FOR GOD'S GLORY! 

To say the least, celebrating Valentines Day was a beautiful day around here.  We had a blast.  Caleb and Bekeh both started preschool this month, and they are loving it.  They have a long way to go to fit in academically and socially with their peers, but they are so excited, so adorable, and so friendly, they're fitting in fine and doing amazing.

Valentines Day - 4 Days Post Surgery

His lip is healing beautifully.  I keep standing in authority over it and telling it to heal and for the pigment to return evenly and appropriately.  It will happen.  God is good.   We continue to grow, experience setbacks and breakthroughs, and most of all we continue to gain wisdom and be filled with the Holy Spirit and His love daily.  Life is good, so good.

Snow Buddies

ONE YEAR TOGETHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

One year.  We looked toward this day all through the tough times of waiting, and transition, and bonding.  We looked toward this benchmark with hopeful hearts, and faithful eyes that surely by this date God would have grafted us together, made us one family, united, totally in love, and bonded.  It's amazing how hard we've worked over the last two years.  First to get them home to us, and then to make them part of our family.  One of my favorite quotes of Dr Phil is, "Time heals nothing, it only provides the opportunity for healing and growth."  We have made every use of every opportunity, especially the ones we failed initially, to grow, push harder, claw towards each other with commitment and love.  We've still got a long way to go, but I'm in awe of our Heavenly Father who has shown Himself so close, who has spoken to our hearts when we didn't have the words to say, who has shown us how to love these strangers as our own, just as He first loved us and adopted us.
It's unbelievable that in 12 months they've gone from speaking no English, to talking non-stop.  And I mean, non-stop.  One of the most frequently heard phrase in our house is, "Bekeh, please, hush for a little bit!"  The two of them have such different personalities, but they are so perfectly designed for this family, just as goofy, off the wall, crazy, and a bit dramatic and emotional at times too!  Caleb's gone from being a baby to a little boy this year.  No more diapers, no more crying fits for hours, no more whining constantly.  He now talks, demands, and manipulates our hearts with his adorable smile.  Bekeh is learning so much every day.  How to write, recognize her letters, and how to open and break everything in the house.
They don't really remember life in Ethiopia anymore.  The things they regurgitate are things we've told them.  It makes me sad, but I know it was inevitable at their ages.  We are mom and dad, and they are our children.  We have the five best kiddos on the planet and I'm so glad God gave them to us in His perfect timing and by His perfect plan.

December - 11 months together!

December was an amazing time at our Crazy home.  We had a fun family activity planned for every day of the month and had a time of reading the different scriptures in the story and prophecy surrounding Christ's birth each evening.  We went on hikes in the nature reserve, had late night trips to Starbucks, Marble Slab runs, made special holiday treats, celebrated Christmas with all of our friends and family, and had a wonderful night with many of Bekeh and Caleb's Ethiopian "cousins" in our home.  Bekeh and Caleb thought at first Christmas was just something in our house, and then became overwhelmed and shocked every time they saw Christmas lights, trees, and decorations up in other people's homes and businesses.  They soon caught on that everybody loved Christmas too, and they ate it all up.  They were thrilled with Santa's visit to our house, and are already talking about him visiting next year and what they want.  It was truly a time of peace between all of us.  It's amazing how much these two little precious kisses have been grafted into our family and are just "one of us" now.  We are constantly reminded of how grateful we are that God adopted us into His family through the birth and sacrifice of His precious Son.  We believe, oh how desperately we believe.

November - 10 Months Together!!!!

Bekeh loves wearing her hair in "Ponies."

This is the face of pure preciousness.



Caleb LOVES his Gigi!  We visit her everyday and he always wants to be the first and last to hug her.  On Thanksgiving day he only wanted to sit with her and warm up.  She eats it all up.



These two fight more than any of the other siblings but they are a tight crew.  Bekeh talks about Corban non stop while he's at school each day and everything that happens she says, "I'm going to tell Corban about. . . "  Corban complains non-stop about how annoying Bekeh is, but he's always grabbing her to play games, and goofing around with her the most.  They don't fool this momma!

Let's just call November, BREAKTHROUGH.   Satan had been selling this family a lie and we had been believing it hook line and sinker.  This mom, me, Gina, had agreed with the enemy of our souls that I was a terrible mom incapable of handling Bekeh and Caleb correctly.  I was frequently found huddled in my closet begging God to explain to me why He thought this whole adoption thing was a right fit for ME and my family.  I had allowed well intentioned people to make me doubt God's specific word and plan for our family.  When I stepped outside His will and direction, and followed the advice of others on how to raise my children, it wasn't pretty!  Guilt is an ugly place to parent from and it only leads to walls and destructive patterns.  We were building up walls to our bonding faster than God could nourish the attachment.  It was calm and peaceful on the outside, and painful and lost on the inside.  And then, in a one hour conversation with a dear sister, it all fell.  We were talking about her, and the Lord revealed everything to me.  In an instant it all changed.  The guilt was gone, the walls were in crumbles, and the bond was restored.  God is a God of miracles and what I had battled and prayed for without ceasing, and prayed and cried through for months came to pass in one instant when I let go of the guilt.  God calls us to adoption, and He knows ahead of time all the times we will fail miserably.  He knew every time we would mess things up more than we made them better.  He knew every weed in Jason's heart, every deep weed in my heart, every trauma and pain in Bekeh and Caleb's past that would rear it's ugly head.  He knew it all, and He still called us to it, and He knew it would all turn out beautifully.  I had to hold on to that while we were in the thick of it, I believed it would all come to pass, and it did.  Thank you Jesus for loving us enough to bring us back into your will when we lose track.  Thank you for looking ahead and seeing what's best for us and assuring us when we are blind and incapable in the moment.  Thank you for Bekeh and Caleb.  Thank  you for our crazy family.