Friday, November 19, 2010

November - 10 Months Together!!!!

Bekeh loves wearing her hair in "Ponies."

This is the face of pure preciousness.

Caleb LOVES his Gigi!  We visit her everyday and he always wants to be the first and last to hug her.  On Thanksgiving day he only wanted to sit with her and warm up.  She eats it all up.

These two fight more than any of the other siblings but they are a tight crew.  Bekeh talks about Corban non stop while he's at school each day and everything that happens she says, "I'm going to tell Corban about. . . "  Corban complains non-stop about how annoying Bekeh is, but he's always grabbing her to play games, and goofing around with her the most.  They don't fool this momma!

Let's just call November, BREAKTHROUGH.   Satan had been selling this family a lie and we had been believing it hook line and sinker.  This mom, me, Gina, had agreed with the enemy of our souls that I was a terrible mom incapable of handling Bekeh and Caleb correctly.  I was frequently found huddled in my closet begging God to explain to me why He thought this whole adoption thing was a right fit for ME and my family.  I had allowed well intentioned people to make me doubt God's specific word and plan for our family.  When I stepped outside His will and direction, and followed the advice of others on how to raise my children, it wasn't pretty!  Guilt is an ugly place to parent from and it only leads to walls and destructive patterns.  We were building up walls to our bonding faster than God could nourish the attachment.  It was calm and peaceful on the outside, and painful and lost on the inside.  And then, in a one hour conversation with a dear sister, it all fell.  We were talking about her, and the Lord revealed everything to me.  In an instant it all changed.  The guilt was gone, the walls were in crumbles, and the bond was restored.  God is a God of miracles and what I had battled and prayed for without ceasing, and prayed and cried through for months came to pass in one instant when I let go of the guilt.  God calls us to adoption, and He knows ahead of time all the times we will fail miserably.  He knew every time we would mess things up more than we made them better.  He knew every weed in Jason's heart, every deep weed in my heart, every trauma and pain in Bekeh and Caleb's past that would rear it's ugly head.  He knew it all, and He still called us to it, and He knew it would all turn out beautifully.  I had to hold on to that while we were in the thick of it, I believed it would all come to pass, and it did.  Thank you Jesus for loving us enough to bring us back into your will when we lose track.  Thank you for looking ahead and seeing what's best for us and assuring us when we are blind and incapable in the moment.  Thank you for Bekeh and Caleb.  Thank  you for our crazy family.